I wouldn't be caught DEAD wearing that!

Have your kids ever threatened to “dress you funny” once your mind has started slipping & you are becoming more dependent on the little buggers? Have they started claiming items around your house by saying “Can I have that, after you die?”  Mine sure do!  As a matter of fact, they have been acting like this ever since I bought life insurance when one was 15 and the other was 7.

Oh yes! They were quite excited to realize that upon my death our house would theirs, debt free; and there would be money in the bank for them.

“WOW” they both exclaimed immediately when I finished.

Oh, rest assured I told them many, many other useful facts during that conversation, but  I’m not sure they got past the fact that they could live in the house and not have to pay anything including the bills once I died.

I started sleeping with my bedroom door locked that very night.

My dad died when he was 57. He was a retired Lt. Colonel, so my family knew exactly what his funeral plans were. Dress Uniform, Military Funeral, complete with Taps & a 21 gun salute. My dad had Alzheimer’s, so we knew when his death was imminent. The only thing we had to do when my dad died was to go to the funeral home and pick out the casket.

Have you ever had to do that? Let me tell you – it’s a surreal experience.

Okay, Parrish family… do you want the Colonel to have a wooden casket or a metal one? Metal, what gauge?  Wha? What’s that? What gauge? What the heck does that mean? I know he was a Colonel, but we want a casket, not a gun. It’s the thickness of the steel, the Funeral Director explained. What kind of metal? What kind of metal? You mean they make caskets in different types of metal? This bronze one is lovely. No? Okay, how about this blue one? It’s made out of steel. It will go nicely with his dress blues. I’m pretty sure no one is going to see him once this sucker is closed and sealed, so does it really matter? Do you want a vault or a simple grave liner? Honestly, I don’t want to have either, but we gotta do what we gotta do.  Now, let’s talk about protection., he continued. protection?! Uh, you do realize that the Colonel has died – right?

I am not kidding! It was like going into Sears or Lowes to buy a washer/dryer combination.  I almost expected the man to tell us about the warranty and how to get repairs if they were needed.  But unlike buying a washer/dryer combination, this bill  came to around $4,000 (just for the casket and vault).

That was almost 20 years ago and I remember vividly the feeling of being in that funeral home looking at caskets, but I have absolutely no idea as to what we selected. I mean, other than the fact that it was a casket, I can’t tell you a thing about it,. Nor can anyone in my family that was at the funeral home picking out his casket, only a few short hours after our father died. When what we really wanted was to be anywhere else.

Let’s just say, I don’t recommend this as an afternoon outing – unless the person is still living and with you at the time.

In fact, I think everyone should go with their loved ones before they die and pick out a casket, urn or whatever. If I don’t, knowing MY kids they’d put me in something like this since I’m always sending them home with leftovers reminding them to “Bring back my Tupperware!”

(fyi  this is an actual casket…I’m not kidding!)

If you do this before a death it actually can be quite a funny discussion. It was during a discussion about my demise that Kendra mentioned something of mine that she loves and thought would be perfect for me to wear forever.  I exclaimed, “Kendra, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that!”

We all just got the giggles!